Gold Bond Teams Up With ABC For ‘Lost’ Finale
In a surprising move, Gold Bond has purchased all thirty-five minutes of advertising for ABC’s finale of Lost this Sunday. “After spending over three-and-a-half years on The Island, the survivors of Oceanic 815 certainly must be experiencing severe chafing,” CEO Bruckler Tickletonne said in an online advertisement entitled “The Soothma In-itchy-ative,” a pun that is widely agreed upon as a stretch. “We figured that we could send some of our world famous anti-itch skin protectant to the most thrilling show on the tee vee.”
Most shocking of all was Lost executive producer Carlton Cuse’s announcement that the Smoke Monster will be tinted “Gold Bond gold,” for the entirety of the episode, until he does or does not die.
“I just wish people watched our show. Maybe then, stupid shit like this wouldn’t have to happen.”
“Oh, and also,” he said, before letting out a huge sigh, “buy Gold Bond, ‘The Powder With The Power.’”
